Brave and Honest
by Irish Ghost
Summary: Sarah Eaton is Tobias' older sister. She has protected him since the death of their mother, until now. Tomorrow is her aptitude test, and she knows that she will deflect regardless of what her results are. Her only regret: that she must leave Tobias with... him. May her brother forgive her, but she cannot be Abnegation. Not anymore. OFC, no pairing yet.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well, my readers... it's been an interesting year. I've deleted more stories than posted, and for that I make no apologies. 'The First' was removed because I finally pierced the Gordian Knot: it can't be written in the scope that I picture in my head, not yet at least. It is still percolating in the back of my mind. Perhaps, it will be written one day, or maybe not.**

**I've been working on my original story, and in that, I've had more success. It's plodding along, bit by bit. My hope is to publish it before the end of next year. I will be updating this in the mean while, as I plot out my ideas.**

**With that, I give you this: 'Brave and Honest'. This is not a fix with yet another Divergent deflecting from their faction. Instead, read my summary, and follow me on this journey.**

* * *

It was a typical day for the Abnegation dependent. She had walked with her younger brother to attend school. During her lessons, she paid attention carefully and took notes to show respect to her instructors, while in her heart, she could care less about Faction History or Mathematics. During the lunch hour, she did as was expected, and silently ate around her fellow Abnegation dependents. When school was completed and after she had seen her brother home safely, she walked among the factionless with bread and water from her bag, offering them what she could. When she was finished, she had prepared dinner for the family before her father arrived home from the Council, expecting food on the table. When her father spoke during the dimly lit meal, she listened in silence while making sure that her brother ate well, before cleaning up for the night and ensuring that her brother completed his homework alongside her. When the clock gently chimed after sunset, it was time for bed. Tomorrow was another day: the same as always.

Sarah Eaton, on this day after her sixteenth birthday, lamented that she had found the method of losing herself in her tasks long ago: it was to make herself so small, a seed within her mind and heart. When she made herself into that blank canvas, she could move forward in her ascribed tasks. Most days, she was no one as she worked alongside the full members of her family's faction.

It was better to be no one, to feel nothing, to be nothing, than to be herself. When she was no one, she no longer mattered. She did not have to feel the bruises on her back and legs, or the scars on her arms. She was away from this place, from these people, at least in the smallest corner of her mind. The rest of her automatically took up the tasks around her without asking... how selfless she portrayed herself to be towards others. If she were to behave like her true self, she would have been exiled from the faction long ago, leaving her brother defenceless. She could not protect him if she were factionless.

She turned in bed and stared up at the ceiling. She found herself unable to sleep, her mind refusing to shut down. Her most recent set of bruises were painting her back with broad strokes of agony, detailing her legs with thin stripes of bloodied heat. Her father was angry once more, trying to improve her behaviour into that of the perfect Abnegation member. The ugly truth of the matter was that he was succeeding... Bit by bit, what made her Sarah was eroding away from the lashes, the careless severity of his diatribes, and his cold black eyes. As he continued doing this, she could guarantee that Sarah would be no more by the beginning of winter. He would not get that chance, though.

Quietly, she slipped out of bed and pulled a bundle out from under her bed before climbing out her window. It was chilly in the night air, so she donned her jacket. It was a short distance to the roof, and she no longer needed the rope that she had used as a child to make the ascent. Instead, she simply pulled herself up using her arms.

Tucking her formless grey gown under her legs as she sat on the roof, Sarah looked up to the far off pinpricks of starlight as she reached for the bundle. Her sketchbook fell out of the rumpled fabric as she shook it loose and wrapped the blanket around her covered shoulders. Flipping open to a fresh page, she began to slowly sketch the stars above.

This was her safe place, her haven. Here, she could reclaim what bits of herself had not been stripped away with the belt and the back of Marcus' hand. Her father had not discovered it yet, and she had not told young Tobias: her twelve-year old brother was incapable of keeping a secret, and she would never ask that of him. The night was safe: cold, unyielding, dark. She was not afraid of the dark, not when her father used to lock her in her closet when 'she was misbehaving'. It could have been as small an infraction as being late at curfew, or missing a vegetable on her plate. After her mother died, she received beatings for every infraction that she and Tobias accrued in his eyes.

She had to endure her beatings as Tobias was locked away in the closet, trying her best not to scream or cry. She prayed to her father's nameless god as she lost herself beneath the lash of his belt. It was not always for her infractions that she was punished. She would place herself between her father and Tobias every time. She was completely selfless in that regard: her 'blessed' father, in the eyes of the Abnegation, would never lay a finger on Tobias if she stood between them and took the beatings.

How many times had her father commanded her to read aloud the manifesto of his faction? Thinking that if she spoke it enough, then the words would sink into her bones and change her stature to head bowed, quiet eyes, vulnerable girl. She was not. She could not be Abnegation, despite her rigorous training and conditioning.

Sarah thought back to her mother, Evelyn. She mourned that she could not remember what her mother looked like, past the serene face and gentle eyes that Sarah painted on her face through the naive eyes of a child. Marcus had forbidden Tobias and her to mention her name anymore under the roof, for it would have been selfish to hold on to her memory instead of letting her go. It had been six years since she had died, since they had attended her funeral. It had been raining that day. She had bowed her head during the burial, to hide the bruises that her father had bestowed on her when he discovered her crying in her room.

No one knew, of course, that Marcus abused her so. Not even Andrew Prior, the second-in-command on the Council, had an inkling. Marcus had perfected the ability of two-facedness: the selfless leader of the Abnegation, and the blank-faced man that belted his daughter and locked away his son. If they did, they never spoke up: it would be selfish to think that _they _could raise children better. No… better to submit to others, to bear their burdens along with your own. As a person, you don't matter, for you don't exist.

Her aptitude test was tomorrow. Mere days after her birthday, she was expected to make one of the biggest choices of her life. She would be expected to choose the faction that she would remain in for the rest of her life, to remain or to defect. Sarah knew this for certain: she was not Abnegation, no matter how hard her father beat her.

A tear crawled down her face, and Sarah hurriedly wiped it away. Her father was a heavy sleeper, but the fear that she could wake him with her quiet tears nonetheless drove her into the expected submission.

But… soon she would not be in Abnegation. Soon, she would be free from him. Her only regret would be that she would have to leave Tobias behind, to bear their father's wrath. Tobias knew what Marcus was, even if the rest of their faction refused to believe it. They alone knew the truth.

Sarah raised her eyes to the sky, closing her notebook and tucking it away. The cold air struck at her skin as she stood and whispered to the unblinking stars. "I make my own choices. I serve those around me, because I choose to. I will never forget them, but I will never forget myself. I rely on myself, until I can trust my brothers and sisters. I will not disappear."

As she climbed off the roof and back into her room, for the first time in a long time, Sarah smiled. In her selfishness, she would find freedom, and the regrets that came with it. She could only hope that Tobias would forgive her for deflecting, regardless of what her test results were.


	2. Chapter 2

Gentle knocking at her door woke up Sarah from the remnants of her sleep, deprived as it was. "Sarah, come down for breakfast." Tobias' small voice rang through her door, quiet enough not to wake their father but just loud enough to wake her. It was important to let their father be until he was ready to come down. Woe to the child that woke him up before his time: both of the Eaton children had learned that lesson.

"Thank you, Tobias. I'll be down in a few minutes." Her legs swung over the edge of her bed as she heard his footsteps recede, pushing her blankets aside. Today was it: the day of her aptitude test. Her stomach began to turn over and over, knotting itself with nerves. She slid into her gown and jacket, doing up her boots before standing. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her hair until into the bun of Abnegation women. It would not be like this for long: today was her haircut. She would need to go to the Priors for only women can cut the hair of women, and they were one of the few families that she trusted. Leaning back over her bed, she flipped the sheets into order. There... with the little that she had been given, she was ready.

Slowly walking down the stairs, she smiled at the sight before her. Tobias had been up early, by the contents of the table. He had made her favourite: warm oatmeal and milk. He had even washed the dishes before coming to get her. Truly selfless, he made this a special day for her. He stood by the table, looking down at the floor.

"Thank you, Tobias." The smile on his face brightened up the entire room. They sat down together at the table. Tobias waited for her to start, gently tapping his spoon against the table. When she took the first bite, her eyes widened. Flavours burst across her tongue, something she had never tasted before. She shot her gaze to Tobias, looking sheepish in his sight. "What did you do? It tastes so different: so... amazing!" She closed her eyes, trying to remember the flavours and imprinting them on her memory.

"I... I went to the market a few days ago, while you were helping Father with something for the Council. The man said that butter and spices made oatmeal taste better. He gave me just enough for you. I wanted this to be a special day for you, since we didn't celebrate your birthday." Fear struck him. "Just don't tell Father, please?"

"This will be our secret, Tobias. Thank you so much." Normally, she would lecture him on Abnegation's need for simplicity and plainness. Today, she couldn't bring herself to care about that. "What will you do today?" With today being the Test, all other ages were excused from school. She couldn't watch him for the morning, but the afternoon was theirs.

"I will go and feed the factionless with the others, but I want to do something with you in the afternoon, just us. Something that we will never forget." His dark blue eyes sparked with joy, until schooling his features. Sarah knew the only reason behind his quiet change. She poured a little milk into her oatmeal to visually hide the gift of flavour. "Good morning, Father."

"Morning, children." The gentle lilt behind his words should have been a comfort, but instead made his children straighten in fear. When he sat down, both went quiet and tucked their chins closer to their chests. At meals, it was the children's role to be ears for the parents, not to question and burden them. They could speak after the meal was completed and the dishes were done. "Sarah, when dinner is completed, you will help me to prepare for the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow. It is Abnegation's turn to lead this year. Tobias, I hope that you will choose selfless action today while your sister is undergoing her aptitude test."

Sarah raised her head to look at her father. The only trait shared between father and daughter were Marcus' blue eyes. According to her geography books, that blue is the same color as the deepest depths of the ocean: not quite black, but the deepest of navy blues. While Sarah knew that her hair was the color of the moist soil in the Amity fields, Marcus' shorn hair was slightly lighter and thinner. The stark features on their father's face were as carved from ice, where Sarah remembered that her features were softer.

She shook her head: vanity was selfish. Even if she wanted to look in the mirror more often, why should she? She made sure that she was clean, dressed properly, and groomed. That was all that she ever needed.

When she had finished her special oatmeal, Sarah dared to speak up. "Father, may I have your permission to go to the Priors before the Test? It is my day for a haircut."

"Of course, Sarah. Natalie will be expecting you soon" Marcus was finishing also. "It is Tobias' turn to clean the dishes, and it appears that he is nearly done as well."

Chairs scrapped against the floor. Sarah collected the breakfast dishes before turning to her brother. "I won't be long. Please, be ready when I come back. I'll drop you off at the market before going to school."

"Yes, Sarah." She tucked her jacket closer to her, a chill running across her shoulders at the thought of leaving Tobias alone with her father, even for that short time. Her feet moved faster among the streets, finding the Prior house among the identical fabricated shelters, yet another symbol of Abnegation selflessness. She knocked on the door quietly, hoping that she would not disturb the family at breakfast.

Her eyes smiled when Natalie Prior opened the door, bowing her head to the older woman. Natalie was... well, she was beautiful. Her eyes were warm, like cinnamon that Sarah had seen once at the market. Her hair was a similar shade, golden highlights showing that she had spent much time in the sun. Gentle features smiled at Sarah as she invited her in.

"My apologies for interrupting you, but it is my haircut day..."

"Of course, Sarah. Your father mentioned it to me. Come: Beatrice and Caleb are clearing the table now. Andrew will be leaving for work soon." Natalie never placed a hand on Sarah's shoulder, but with a gentle motion guided her towards the kitchen. True to her words, her two young children were clearing the dining table in the next room over, and her husband was reading the newspaper quietly. Natalie pulled out a chair for Sarah to sit on by the sink, placing a towel on the floor around to catch the fallen strands. As Sarah removed her jacket, Beatrice returned to the table only to place the scissors and brush discreetly within arm's reach.

Natalie never let Sarah help with her haircuts. Each pin was removed until the bun fell undone against her back. A small gasp came from Beatrice, which Natalie ignored. Beatrice was still learning the ways of Abnegation, being two years younger than Tobias. The best thing that Sarah could do was ignore the gasp and move on, just like her mother. With patient hands, the brush made its way from her scalp to the frayed ends over and over until there were no more knots or tangles.

This was the part that Sarah disliked the most: the sound of the scissors. Even though Natalie was gentle, not tugging on her hair or snipping quickly, it was the grating of metal on metal as the blades snicked back and forth. It reminded Sarah of the leather strop that Marcus used for his razor: that same back and forth scrapping. He had never used the blade on his children, yet. Sarah could only pray that he never would. The belt and his massive hands were more than enough of a deterrent for any misbehaviour, imaginary or real.

For a moment, she closed her eyes to block out the noise of the scissors. She tried to paint the stars in her mind, remembering their placement from the night before: the bright pinpoints that laid out the constellations, and the duller shine from the more distant stars. It was like a puzzle, a way to distract her. Only when Natalie gently tapped her shoulder when she had finished tucking her black-brown hair back into its bun, did Sarah open her eyes again.

"Where did you disappear to?" A small quirk of her lips betrayed Natalie's calm demeanour. How she had mastered being selfless and funny at the same time was a mystery beyond Sarah's ken.

"The skies above, trying to fly around the stars." Sarah bowed her head, feeling the decreased weight of hair on her neck. Here, she could be honest with Natalie. She was the only one that knew about Sarah's haven on the roof, and that she used it to seek peace when her active mind refused to let her sleep. Natalie did not know about the beatings. No one knew. If they did, they didn't believe her. "Thank you, Natalie. It appears that I was in quite a need."

"It was my pleasure, Sarah. I will see you at the Testing today." Sarah knelt, picking up the towel on the floor carefully to not spread the cuttings on the floor.

"I will see you there, if you are my tester." Sarah tried to smile, but it did not feel natural this time. Perhaps it was the thought of her father, her demons providing a stormy cover on a day that should be exciting for her. Bowing her head a third time, she sat up and gently placed the towel in the laundry hamper, picking her jacket up from the back of her chair. "Thank you once again, Natalie."

Tobias was waiting for her outside their door, both of their bags in his hand. It was time. As they walked to the bus, Sarah turned to her brother. "Tobias, this is a selfish question, but I must ask it. If... if I were to defect, if my test results were not Abnegation, will you promise me to look after yourself?"

"Always, Sarah. Always." With that, they boarded their buses: Tobias with the group to feed the factionless, and Sarah to the school. It was time for her test.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: ****I am not writing the aptitude test scene. Sarah's results will play a larger role in her story arc. Never fear, poppets: all will be answered!**

Today was the day. Sarah could not sleep at all: she kept going over her results in her head. The test was surreal yesterday, and showed her both her greatest fear and wish combined into one psychotropic hallucination. How could it have been real? Choosing between knife and cheese, witnessing an argument... inane, really, as she twisted her hair back into her bun. Simple instances of real experiences that were supposed to help her in choosing her faction, her home, for the rest of her life. At least, she did not end up factionless. That, in itself, was a small blessing.

Packing her bag, her eyes fell to her sketchbook. Smiling slightly, she packed it with her pencils. She owned so little... Her clothes and boots were given up every three months for new ones. She owned no books, for her school texts were on loan. Tobias had given her small figures that he had made, each gently packed away. She was ready. This was the last time that she would be here. Tonight, she would be in her new home.

"Sarah! It's time!" Tobias knocked on her door before entering. He paused as he took in the empty room, the bed stripped. It did not take long for him to put two and two together. "You're defecting, aren't you?"

"Yes, Tobias." Sarah could not bring herself to say more, not without smiling or crying. She needed to set one last good example for her brother. She turned to him and passed him a piece of paper. "You cannot tell Father, though. He will find out soon enough. I don't want him to think that you hid anything from him. That... might make him angry."

Curiosity won, but confusion took over when Tobias saw a drawing of the stars. Sarah tugged on the strap of her bag. "At night, Tobias, when you can't sleep, go up onto the roof. Find these stars in the sky. And you know what? I will be looking for them as well. This is a special constellation. It's called The Wolf." Both of them knew the significance of that. Before their mother died, Sarah used to tell stories to Tobias about the constellations. The Wolf was their favourite.

She wiped the tears from her face. Gently, she wrapped her arms around Tobias. "I'm going to miss you, Tobias. You must be brave now, for the both of us."

Tobias returned the hug. "Always, Sarah." He took great care to fold the paper and tuck it into his jacket.

Too soon, they broke away. Walking down the stairs, they found their father sitting at the table. Marcus was not a cook by any standards, but he had scrabbled together toast and eggs. Both children quietly thanked him before joining him. Silence reigned, until Marcus was finished.

"Sarah, we must leave soon if we are to make the train. It is your turn for dishes. Be quick."

"Yes, Father." She listened as Marcus questioned Tobias over his homework. Sarah smiled when Tobias answered all of his questions without mistake. Neither of them would fit in Erudite, but Sarah made sure that all of their homework was done. More importantly, she made sure that he understood the concepts. If Marcus were to have his way, Tobias would take over from him and work on the Council. It would not bode well if the son of Marcus Eaton was poorly educated.

When all were ready, Marcus led the way to the train station. None of them bothered to even look for a seat, choosing instead to stand and hold for dear life to the rickety bars above their heads. Sarah kept her head low, never looking anyone in the eye. Only a few more hours until she could leave Abnegation. Only a few more hours until she was free...

Tobias waved them goodbye when they got off the station for the Hub. Sarah wanted so badly to give him another hug, to kiss his hair, but Marcus was present. Nothing but behaviour expected of his model Abnegation daughter would keep her brother safe. She settled for a wave in return, small and discrete. Lowering her eyes as she walked alongside her father, Sarah breathed shakily. Soon, so very soon, she would be free.

What was freedom, though, if she wasn't safe? Sarah knew that in her faction, regardless of what she chose in the end, she would never be helpless again. She wanted to feel safe in her own skin, her own home. She would need to gain a sense of self, to look towards herself instead of looking to the needs of others. She would become stronger. She would be free and safe. That was her promise to herself.

The words of her personal manifesto came to mind again. _I make my own choices. I serve those around me, because I choose to. I will never forget them, but I will never forget myself. I rely on myself, until I can trust my brothers and sisters. I will not disappear._ She will not disappear. She will not disappear... but transform.

Marcus brought her out of her reverie. "Sarah, I need to prepare for the ceremony. I expect you to sit closer to the front." His large hand held her elbow for a moment, gripping tightly.

"Yes, Father." Sarah fought not to rip her arm from his grip. "I understand."

"I know that today will be long for you, but I expect you to behave properly until we return home. I am sure that Tobias will be glad to see you stay with us."

_That's what you think, old man. _Sarah turned to her father, straightening his jacket and adjusting the strap of his watch. "I'm sure, Father." She looked up to him. "I will be with the faction. Go, Father. It would not do to be late."

"I will see you inside, Sarah." Marcus nodded to her before turning.

Sarah looked towards the crowd. It was time...

* * *

Sitting straight in her chair, Sarah ignored the voices around her as people greeted one another, the din of noise threatening to overwhelm the acoustics of the room. It was as if everyone was equipped with microphones: the waterfall crashing over and over on rapids, a natural symphony of crescendos and decrescendos, pitch and tone changing to suit a mood.

The Abnegations surrounding her little chair ignored her as well. She was still a dependent until the moment her blood spilled over one of the five bowls displayed for the city to witness. That is what held her attention.

Five pure white ceramic bowls sat on pedestals. They were engraved with the faction symbols, and held the object representing them. For Amity, it was the soil that they tilled. For Dauntless, hot coals radiated their heat inside the bowls. Erudite had clear water, perfectly distilled. Candor had pieces of glass, also clear. Abnegation held grey stones, plain and unassuming. When it was her turn, her father would hand her a knife to cut her palm. Then, she would spill her blood over whatever object represented her faction of choice, declaring her decision for the representatives to witness.

She assumed a pose of attention as her father began to speak, but she refused to listen. She helped her father to prepare last night, before he backhanded her. He was lucky that it left no marks this time: Sarah would not explain away a split lip or a black eye for the sake of his reputation.

She acknowledged each of the dependants as they made their selection. Her palms were beginning to sweat from her nerves, but she had to resist the effort to wipe them on her dress. Soon it would be her turn. Soon...

"Sarah Eaton." Marcus called out her name, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. She whipped her head to the stage, feeling like an animal caught in a trap. It was time.

She gathered her bag, and slung it over her shoulder. That little action got the faction members around her whispering. Why would she have brought her belongings with her? The daughter of Marcus Eaton was as Abnegation as any of them! There would be no question of defection.

Sarah kept her gaze forward as she walked up the stairs to the stage. Swallowing her nerves, she approached her father and received the knife hilt given. She refused to look at anything but the faction bowls as she slit her palm. She refused to look at her father when she held her fist over the bowl and let the blood drop.

Marcus' voiced cracked when he spoke. "Candor." The auditorium erupted in noise as she accepted the bandage and walked towards her new faction.

No one believed it. Sarah had defected. No one saw that coming.


End file.
